June 7, 2007
Dear Fung Yee,
I was so numb for the whole week. I attended my patients in clinic as usual, Yung Chee has said a lot around me, but I have no recollection of what has been done or has been said.
When we said goodbye in Pearson Airport in Toronto, that was in September, 2005, your last words were: "Please remind Carbon to do regular exercise when you meet him in Hong Kong next March, he needs to keep active and healthy." You cared about others as always, more than yourself. As a physician, you are so ready to help but so reluctant to cry for help.
We played pingpong in my basement; I told you that I started the game 3 months ago because I couldn't stand the empty nest alone while Yung Chee spent at least 4 nights per week in the club. You giggled, and were too polite to state the truth, and told me that I was a "talented" player. I'm still trying hard, and I’ve promised you that the next game will be very different.
Don't forget, we still have an appointment in Australia, Toronto or Hongkong for another pingpong match. In Old Halls, you, Yuk Chun & May were the frequent player in the pingpong room, while I was always the uninterested bystander. However, I'll take your advice, keep active and healthy, and will keep the hobby.
You & Carbon, Florence & KK, Yung Chee & I, met weekly for study group when we decided to take the Australian medical licentiate examination. You were the most learned leader of the whole group and always the one who came up with the correct answer. You made south to Australia while we moved west to Canada, the physical distance kept us apart while our hearts were still closely knitted. We exchange Christmas wishes and made sure that we did all the catching-ups every year.
Life is not easy, a professional woman, a wife, a mother, a member of the community where we belong. You were clouded with frustration and disappointment. We talked, we smiled, we cried, we embraced each other. I was the patient listener, the not too successful comforter, and a failed "counsellor".
"Life has to go on." You signed. Your latest Christmas greeting was more reassuring, you told me that the worst was over, life was challenging but managerable, you replied to my email & remarked that my Christmas family photo was very beautiful and you can still remember my winding staircase. You promised that you'll come around to visit us again whenever in town for any international conference. "You're welcome to stay in my place if you plan a vacation in Brisbane, I will be your host & tour guide." – you said so in my backyard; I will hang on to that rain cheque until we meet again.
Virginia said that “death is not the end but the beginning”, please remember to greet me in heavenly gate with St. Peter and show me around.
Forgive me for not calling & writing often enough. If only life can be put into reverse mode, I think I would be much wiser. ‘The four medic golden flowers of Old Halls' as we were nicknamed, for the remaining three, life have to go on as you’ve said, but life will never be the same without you for all who have crossed in your life.
Fung Yee, I love to see you smile again.
Love,
Ellen
